Endgame

it ends.

next year is the last and yet it feels like i've got many mountains to climb before then. i think about the next three months and i see an incoherent blizzard of confusion and familiar torment. i no longer look forward to the things i thought that i could count on. to put it in colloquial terms: it sucks. i've had a strange eerie uncomfortable feeling all day, a gentle inclination of the horrified.

i don't know. i'm putting off communicating and asking the important questions, maybe because i'm afraid i already know the answers.

meg is leaving, my best friend and my angel. not having her around is going to be hard, she was one of the only people i felt really at ease with, unfrustrated, uncomplicated. And sammy too, my little sunshine.

it feels unfair that i'm nostalgic.

but i suppose life is unfair blah blah blah.

i just don't want to make any decisions. i don't want to move. i want to stay imobile and rot if i have to, instead of splattering on the bottom of a cliff.

enjoy the image.

i'm getting some much needed SLEEP. what fucked up dreams will this night bring?