(I have to) Obamarama

I just read the New York Times article about Barak Obama's 'faith'

Its so bizarre. The relationship between this culture and what lies behind that buzzword: 'faith'

In America we don't worship religion. We worship religiosity.


We love to muddle. Its our coping mechanism to the universe.

Twisted

Oh my god, if you want to be really horribly depressed and sickened, go check out how many anti-feminist groups there are on facebook.

My god. People have NO IDEA what feminism is.

"This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labour in which this system still depends. We are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism."
-Gloria Steinem

Nostalgia

This time last year I was living in Paris.
During the strikes, so no classes.
Cozying up to frenchmen (frenchman).
Vacationing with my mom in Spain.
Thinking about my summer plans.

Which would change my life forever.




This is a crazy life.

Self-Esteem?

So I'm gonna share a little story with you.

So last tuesday I went out with some friends for a girlfriend's birthday.
We went to the Hudson and drank. A lot.
So I'm sitting there chatting with Minda after dancing a little bit and this guy comes over and starts chatting with us. He's decent looking, business-type, un-creepy normal guy. So inadvertently I start flirting with him, just for once. Well one thing leads to another and I guess we ended up kissing. He is staying at the hotel (he's from LA) and he invites me up to his room and I OF COURSE say no. I mean please. I'm not that kind of girl.

SO the next day he calls me and leaves a nice normal message asking me to meet him for drinks, and I can't go (and don't really want to) because I went to dinner and the Opera with the honors program and didn't get home until like 11:30 anyway. Plus I had class in the morning etc. So I asked if I could take a rain check.

So he suggests we "do something fun together" on thursday since he has a light day, apparently. And I sort of hesitate, and decide I will just agree to meet him for a drink late that night, after I see Pericles.
So I go to meet him.

He's with a couple of buddies at the bar. We talk and I'm trying to get into it, when he starts kissing me. Now I realize I kissed him before but it was all very abrupt and it took a little warming up to. And by warming up, I mean a couple more drinks. Well, eventually I told him I needed to leave and he invites me up to his room again. I say no. He asks me why. I tell him I don't intend to sleep with him. He asks why not. I say, lamely, because I'm not that kind of girl. He says I should come upstairs "just to see the room". I laugh. He presses it. He kisses me. I agree after he promises he'll let me leave in 10 minutes. I figure maybe we'll kiss a bit and I'll leave. That's it.

Well as soon as we get in the room he's all over me of course (as I guess I expected) and he starts trying to take my clothes off and I won't let him. So he stops and we kiss some more and I'm thinking about how nice it feels (and wondering if maybe I DO want him to take my clothes off) but how weird this all seems to me, especially since I can't stop thinking about someone else (and I'm really not that kind of girl!!), and so finally I decide to leave and after 15 more minutes of him pleading with me to stay (including hilarious ploys like, "I promise we won't have sex" and "I'll go right to sleep" AND EVEN "I won't have time to have sex in the morning either, I'll just get up and go") I finally get out the door and go home.

Because although I am pretty much ready to explode from sexual frustration and he was a little sexy (emphasis on little) I didn't really want to sleep with HIM. And I don't want to be that girl who sleeps with someone she met two days ago, in his hotel room.

Yesterday night, after I had decided to ignore him and not see him again, he text messages me: "Nice Dinner tomorrow night? Stop ignoring me :) "

So I wondered some more. Yes or No?

And part of me did want to sleep with him because I love sex and I would love to be having some and he did seem like he would be good at it (although not as good as _______ ).

But just because I like to have sex, doesn't mean I want to have it with everyone I can. In fact, I want to have it with very few people. I don't know what that number is, but its not very many.

I really wrestled over this. I guess I'm still navigating my own sexual landscape.

Anyway, so I didn't ever respond. Best to let it end I think. So yeah.




plus he introduced me to his friends as 'Megan'
My name is not Megan.
I mean come on. That pretty much sealed the deal really.

To Whom It May Concern:

Please stop this disgusting weather.

I can't go out, not even to the grocery store. Plus it is very depressing.

And my umbrella is broken.


sincerely,
Debra Morris

wasted weekend

I've spent most of the weekend in bed, trying to feel better. I have noooo energy and today it has been pouring rain all day long. I couldn't even make it out to the store, I have no food.

its also been three days since I talked to Hervé, I'm starting to worry. Its not like him to dissappear like this without saying anything. Or maybe it is, actually. Maybe I'm willfully forgetting all the other times he's done similar things. I don't understand. I'm tired of being afraid that its all gonna fall out from under me.

Well I have nothing at all interesting to say, my whole body aches and my mind is too troubled to think.

That one week or so when things were going well...that was a good week.

This is insane.

hard saturday

interesting article about crisis in paris suburbs and presidential race: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/15/magazine/15elections.t.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

I'm somehow very sick, not sure how it happened. I also have a very frightened feeling that something is wrong. Not with me, I'm fine. Besides you know, the sinuses.

Also, new Maroon 5 album in May!! Fun.

The Other Life

I saw The Lives of Others tonight. Oh my god, what an AMAZING film. So beautiful and engaging and compelling and sad. And hopeful. And scary!
Go Germans! I may not prefer you to the French (sorry, I do have my loyalties) but you make a damn fine film. And its the filmakers FIRST major film! Gross! I hate brilliant people! You make me feel so...well not brilliant I guess. Ugh - well said Deb, very eloquent. Your thesis is due in like a WEEK and that's the best you can come up with?! You are doomed.

And talked to yourself.

Anyway, I couldn't help thinking during the film though, "no way a playwright and his actress girlfriend would have that nice of an apartment, I don't care HOW in bed with the government they were."

At least not my government anyway.

Oh wait, I forgot. My government has stripped the whole country of any artistic consciousness, thereby neutralizing any danger it might have posed to them.

Man, they're good.

In other news, my thesis really is due on the 16th. And I do have an exam on the 12th. And my portfolio is due...well pretty much tomorrow. And my acting class gets our new teacher on tuesday, to whom I would like to make a good impression but, I'm not crossing my fingers. Since my partner is AWFUL and never wants to rehearse. And I don't know when I'm going to be able to do a play again. I think I'm gonna have to wait for fall.

It looks like I'm headed to Seattle, to my parents house for the summer. Brace yourselves. Hopefully I won't completely lose my mind. And if I do, hopefully Hervé can help me put it back together again before classes start in the fall.
Hopefully I'll lose 25 pounds and get a tan.

Hahaha.

Ok hopefully I can get a job.



Why is the server down on a certain website, preventing me from reading my messages? Hmmmm? Just to torture me? Very clever.

Easter Weekend

In Ashland with my mom. We just had the most AMAZING meal. I'm so stealing the appetizer and making it my own. Prepare yourselves.

No internet access in the room, so I'm sitting on this very posh banquet level in my pajamas...inappropriate you say? Well I say the fact that I don't get wireless in my room is inappropriate. So there.

Slowly facing the fact that I'm gonna be home in Seattle all summer. It'll be fine. I'll make lots of money and it will be fine. Maybe I'll go camping or something. Anything to keep from jumping into uncoming traffic.


p.s. WHAT WAS LAST NIGHT?!?! I nearly missed my plane! There was some weird kids from the DR! And strange drugs. And booze. What? I dunno.

p.p.s. je veux lui parler, même si ce n'est pas raisonnable. voila, je ne suis pas une femme raisonnable. quelle suprise.

Hooray!

callback for Dark of the Moon tonight!