Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Arrangement

Two of my best friends got engaged the day of graduation. Sammy has a big fat rock on her finger and everything. Its crazy. I just can't fathom that we're now of the age where people trust us with decisions like that. I feel like someone should shake us and say, "what are you thinking?!" It makes perfect sense for them, though, of course. But it baffles my mind, thinking of being at their wedding.

Meanwhile I'm crawling back into the cradle, crashing with my parents this summer because I'm broke. Working full time, helping my mom around the house, trying to take care of myself as well. I still haven't decided if I'll be going to France in august. I can't think about these things.

I was walking home from Sammy and Eric's tonight, through the quiet streets of New York (it is monday night afterall) and I was looking around at all the things I really will miss. But most of all its not New York itself that I miss but the feeling, the sentiment of my life here. The freedom. The endless hopefullness. The expanse.

Its both easier and harder to feel caged in. Its a bizarre dichotemy.

My plane leaves at around 4pm, so I'm having breakfast with Meg & Sammy. I realize this could be the last time the three of us hang out until Sammy gets married next year. That's crazy! I'm used to seeing them every day!

I just feel very dazed and dizzy and filled, as usual when I'm headed home, with a great sense of dread for the drama that I know will be going down this summer.

Sigh. Here we go.

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