Thursday, September 25, 2008


Wow. I am so over this. I think I'm starting to get a little depressed. This summer-feeling just drags on and on, only its just getting colder while everything else stays the same.

I wake up, go to work, come home, eat some food, go to bed, sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, eat some food, go to bed, sleep , wake up etc etc ad nauseum maybe for the rest of my life.

The new job is fine, whatever. Its a job. Plus new jobs are depressing because you're still learning the new restaurant so somehow everything you think you do that is right, is actually not such a good idea. Which your GM generally points out to you as abrasively as possible.

My apartment is a mess because I don't have the energy to clean it. I just sit around and try and keep the pile of things I have to do from suffocating me completely. And yet I STILL have a front hallway full of boxes I used that I need to sell - and they've been there since I moved in. IN MAY. Seriously, its ridiculous.

I've been sleeping until noon every day because I don't get home till 11:30 and I'm too wound up to sleep until 2. Last night I stayed up till 4am. I dreaded going to sleep because I knew I'd wake up in the morning and have to do it all over again. I didn't wake up until 1:45, I couldn't believe it. This is got to stop.

This weekend I'm going to some friends' wedding and I think getting out of the city will help me feel a little more alive.
I should start looking for auditions, but no one is mounting any shows because there isn't any money and the economy is exploding, apparently.

I just feel totally buried.


Guh Guh Guh

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Losing Track of Time

So somehow between graduation and today, my entire life is a completely different entity.

I have two restaurant jobs and an apartment and relationship, and I do things like spend weekends in connecticut. Do they let people my age do things like this?

And I DON'T go to school for the first time I can remember. Which is totally weird and yet totally anticlimactic. I didn't even realize I was approaching a major life-change until my boyfriend ordered a pumpkin spice late at Starbucks and I said, "wait, aren't those seasonal?" and then realized by the look on his face that it was in fact fall already, and I was totally warped by my habit of working full time during the summer months between terms. It hasn't set in yet, I just feel like its a really long summer or something. I'm sure once it gets cold and windy and I'm schlepping it to work, I'll wish I had a warm classroom to curl up in.

I don't miss the stress though, that's for sure.

Of course when one stressor disappears, another promptly presents itself to take its place. My relationship is a total confusing mess, my job situation is in flux (although at least I'm not unemployed), my financial situation is looking perpetually paycheck to paycheck, and my career is non-existent. And my mother is talking about a visit. And my room is a mess. And I need to have clothes taken in. And I'm broke. And I should really start going to the gym again.

Blah Blah Blah.

Mostly my relationship is the big question. I just never seem to know when to cut and run and now I've gotten all into it again. I go back and forth and back and forth so violently that I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it.

The point is, I should be back in therapy.

The end.