I'm listening to a lot of sugary indie brit pop, and let me tell you - it is doin' the trick.
I've been a really rotten mood for the last couple of days. Everything makes me so angry, I feel invalidated and ignored and just icky and terrible. Plus I'm surrounded by people in beautiful relationships, which is great for them but toxic for me. All the old fears of being unable to secure something like that...well anyway they come bubbling up and all of a sudden I've worked myself up and I'm furious and sad.
Jesus. After a while I get even more furious at myself for letting things like that upset me.
Also, my thesis is due on the 2nd...
I'm auditioning for Ian's company's show, Dark of the Moon. I want it and yet it complicates things. I've got to find somewhere really cheap to stay, and I've got to scrounge around for a job when I get back to sea-town in July. It just sounds awful.
But then again so does going home and living with my parents.
Plus after the read-through last night, I'm developing attachments to the play...
God this is hard. Why did I chose this? I'm gonna have to worry about these same things and work my ass off for the rest of my LIFE. Sounds AWFUL.
Why can't I just be an accountant and have normal ambitions that involve a social life?
August can not come fast enough.
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