I'm reading about addiction for my disabilities studies course. I have a horribly addictive personality. If I had any money, I would be a complete alcoholic. I already have enough compulsive behaviors for a room full of people. I'm just good at hiding them. I thought they were better this summer, but...I was wrong.
Plus, don't even get me started on relationships and how hard those are for me to let go of. My mind still drifts in his direction about 5 or 6 times a day at least. I've even dialed his number a couple of times but I never have pressed send, so...I suppose that's a step anyway. I know that I have to make a clean break. I know that there is no perfect ending. I know this because its the only way I could do it before. But for some reason, it felt easier when I was 18.
Everything did I guess.
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a little somethin-somethin about the mysterious wondrous crushingly ironic and heartbreakingly laughable adventure that is my life.
About Me
- tête de linotte
- seattle born, nyc run-away, unabashed francophile, passenger of the world, fool in love...living for now in nyc, existing existentially elsewhere.
1 comment:
But for some reason, it felt easier when I was 18.
Everything did I guess.
Remember when we were 18 and everything felt like the end of the world? Hearts were ripped out, friends brutally betrayed, and life was utterly unbearable at bad grades, bad dates & bad skin?
And yet I, too, agree with your statement. Everything at 18 just seems like it was so much easier back then. Or more simple. Or something. We were more elastic. We could bounce back after having our hearts tramped on.
And now everything is just so damn hard.
Is this what life is going to be like? Will every stage of our life inevitably become the hardest time of our lives?
I miss alki that night. Wine & cloves across the water from the space needle. Maybe all we need in life is a little reflection.
I miss you.
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