Venting Ahead:

Acting is so damn hard. I can't tell you the number of times I'm crafted scenarios in my head, ways to escape this whole fucking world and start a new life without any of the frustration and sacrifice and powerlessness of this business.

Its incredible how just...elastic people expect you to be. And how you need to be. And at the same time impregnable. You have to be incredibly INCREDIBLY vulnerable and yet never let subjective judgements of your most precious personal self even touch you. You have to let them roll off your back. Sometimes I wonder if I would get more by giving less. If that would make it any easier.

I just can't do it right now. I'm so discouraged. I feel like I've grown so much and I'm being punished for it. It's just making me angry and hurt, and coupled with the rejection I'm feeling in my personal life, it's too much right now.

I want to do this so badly, so so badly. I haven't played a part I loved in a play I loved in a REALLY LONG TIME. I feel completely castrated artistically and its fucking making me really depressed!