Self-Esteem?

So I'm gonna share a little story with you.

So last tuesday I went out with some friends for a girlfriend's birthday.
We went to the Hudson and drank. A lot.
So I'm sitting there chatting with Minda after dancing a little bit and this guy comes over and starts chatting with us. He's decent looking, business-type, un-creepy normal guy. So inadvertently I start flirting with him, just for once. Well one thing leads to another and I guess we ended up kissing. He is staying at the hotel (he's from LA) and he invites me up to his room and I OF COURSE say no. I mean please. I'm not that kind of girl.

SO the next day he calls me and leaves a nice normal message asking me to meet him for drinks, and I can't go (and don't really want to) because I went to dinner and the Opera with the honors program and didn't get home until like 11:30 anyway. Plus I had class in the morning etc. So I asked if I could take a rain check.

So he suggests we "do something fun together" on thursday since he has a light day, apparently. And I sort of hesitate, and decide I will just agree to meet him for a drink late that night, after I see Pericles.
So I go to meet him.

He's with a couple of buddies at the bar. We talk and I'm trying to get into it, when he starts kissing me. Now I realize I kissed him before but it was all very abrupt and it took a little warming up to. And by warming up, I mean a couple more drinks. Well, eventually I told him I needed to leave and he invites me up to his room again. I say no. He asks me why. I tell him I don't intend to sleep with him. He asks why not. I say, lamely, because I'm not that kind of girl. He says I should come upstairs "just to see the room". I laugh. He presses it. He kisses me. I agree after he promises he'll let me leave in 10 minutes. I figure maybe we'll kiss a bit and I'll leave. That's it.

Well as soon as we get in the room he's all over me of course (as I guess I expected) and he starts trying to take my clothes off and I won't let him. So he stops and we kiss some more and I'm thinking about how nice it feels (and wondering if maybe I DO want him to take my clothes off) but how weird this all seems to me, especially since I can't stop thinking about someone else (and I'm really not that kind of girl!!), and so finally I decide to leave and after 15 more minutes of him pleading with me to stay (including hilarious ploys like, "I promise we won't have sex" and "I'll go right to sleep" AND EVEN "I won't have time to have sex in the morning either, I'll just get up and go") I finally get out the door and go home.

Because although I am pretty much ready to explode from sexual frustration and he was a little sexy (emphasis on little) I didn't really want to sleep with HIM. And I don't want to be that girl who sleeps with someone she met two days ago, in his hotel room.

Yesterday night, after I had decided to ignore him and not see him again, he text messages me: "Nice Dinner tomorrow night? Stop ignoring me :) "

So I wondered some more. Yes or No?

And part of me did want to sleep with him because I love sex and I would love to be having some and he did seem like he would be good at it (although not as good as _______ ).

But just because I like to have sex, doesn't mean I want to have it with everyone I can. In fact, I want to have it with very few people. I don't know what that number is, but its not very many.

I really wrestled over this. I guess I'm still navigating my own sexual landscape.

Anyway, so I didn't ever respond. Best to let it end I think. So yeah.




plus he introduced me to his friends as 'Megan'
My name is not Megan.
I mean come on. That pretty much sealed the deal really.