Why someone would want a career in academia is now officially beyond my grasp.
I've been reading article after scholarly article on JSTOR for my thesis (I have that huge presentation on tuesday) and I just want to bludgeon my eyes out with a pencil. These people CANNOT write anything worth reading. They are full of information of course but you have to read it so bloody closely that you end up exhausting yourself after 5 pages. Who cares how much information you've crammed in there if no one can make it through the piece ALIVE?!
I'm now at that stage of sheer and utter exhaustion where your whole body feels incredibly heavy and yet like it's floating at the same time. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Sort of like someone put you in slow-motion against your will and you're resisting.
I am just so stressed out. SO stressed out. And I'm starting to understand that I won't get to feel any differently until, well, basically until June. But by then I'll be stressing out all over again about leaving New York for a month.
I just need a BREAK. Seriously. I need some R&R.
Well I'll tell you this much. My birthday is on Saturday and I am not going to do a damn thing I don't feel like doing ALL DAY LONG. I'm gonna get really drunk the night before and party with my friends, and I'm going to sleep in until noon. Then I'm going to eat a lot of delicious indian food for lunch, laze around the park if the weather permits, and then just maybe I'll go out with a nice guy and enjoy myself.
And after that, I won't have any more fun until the end of May. Work work work. There's a play to be translated and a 40 page research paper to be written. And another research project to be finished, although I've already written the bulk of it one night in a fit of stress-induced mania.
Man, I knew this was going to happen. I knew my spring was going to be hell. I'm stoked for the summer. When I'm out of school FINALLY and all this academic pressure is off, I will be a completely new person.
Right? It could happen.
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Honey, yes. I understand what you/re going through. I went through it, too. It's called a senior thesis, and it fucking sucks.
However, it feels SO good when it's done, when you finally get it all out. It's like taking the best shit of your life.
However, life will never be "normal". You should know this by now. You will have occasional R&R, and you will feel like you have more of a life than you do now, but you will also miss school. A lot. I know you will. So savor this last few months of being stressed out all the time just for reading books & writing things, because pretty soon it turns into things like "what if they print the wrong occupation on my greencard and I can't leave the country?" or "now that I have a fiance I can't have anymore one-nighters" or "now that I have kids I can't choose between eating this week or buying that dress". I mean, it's only gonna get harder.
This was meant to be a "il y a pire" encouraging speech, but I guess it's turning into more of a horror story, so I'll stop here.
Uhhh, regardless: happy motherfucking birthday, debra morris. i love you.
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