Saturday, April 26, 2008

Caution: Rant

I've had a very short fuse today. Then my mother arrived. Now I'm ready to pounce on the next person that dares to make any extraneous noise.

I am sooooooo stressed out. I'm also exhausted from running around all day, rehearsing, and being mary sunshine perfect daughter for my mom for 5 hours. I didn't work out, I didn't eat healthily, I didn't make time for myself, I didn't get my haircut, I didn't take in my dry cleaning, and I didn't work on my thesis. I didn't even drink enough water. I still don't have Eva's comments on my resume and I haven't counted out my headshots or printed out my scenes. For the amount of things I didn't get done today, it's remarkable that I'm so exhausted.

And then the 1 train has been shut down from 72nd to 42nd, meaning I had to get out and walk (not so big of a deal) AND my mother is going to have to get out and walk (bigger deal since she still wears a brace on her knee).

Why does she have to come at the very worst possible time? Why God, why? I miss comforts, I miss sleep, I miss snuggling, I miss having nothing to do for three hours together. I can't wait for this hellish week to be over and it hasn't even really begun. And I should be excited! Showcase! Real-life! Future!

I'm utterly useless right now, I have no energy except negative energy. I'm grouchy and frustrated. And I feel filthy although probably without any reason. Although I have no business doing so, I am going straight to bed.

Or...I guess I should do laundry. I don't know. Maybe I should take a shower? When am I going to work out tomorrow? When am I going to do all the things that need to get done! I just want to cry. I hate how difficult this stress is for me to handle. And how wound up I'm feeling.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

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