Hiccup

Ok, I know I'm trying to start this new positive outlook on life but I forgot when I said that, that I'm an actor. Which in case you did not know, is the worst profession on the face of the earth.
I haven't had a professional experience in which I felt engaged and stretched OR felt passionate about SINCE 2006. TWO YEARS AGO.

I feel completely invisible. Or worse. I feel thrown away.

I don't know how to describe it and no one can be sympathetic because they all say some really helpful variation on if you can't take the heat get out of the fire. Matthew McGuire echoes inside my head "there are some fish who swim along and you know they're gonna make it downstream and then there are others who you see struggling against the current..."

I just don't know what else I can do. There HAS to be an answer. There has to be a reason why I get callbacks but NEVER EVER the part. I am begging someone to explain this to me, what I am doing wrong. I'm not even out of college yet! This should not be so hard already! I feel ridiculous, I feel like the butt of a joke. Am I really terrible and no one wants to tell me? I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality!

I feel like a pencil mark someone erased.

And now I have to go run a rehearsal.

FUCK ME.