Random Thoughts Before September Runs Out

DOH! Too late!

Ok thought #1:
My chronic insomnia is a product of my recent increase in anxiety, which arises from my general depression lately. Which is derived from letting myself go in the career and organizational departments, which being my total most vulnerable zones about which I am most insecure, make me feel like a complete and total waste of space. Even though I still get out of bed and work a full time job 5 days a week.

Thought #2:
This is more of a question really.
Why is my Time Warner bill so expensive? We don't even have any premium channels AND our internet sucks. Why is it still costing us $115 a month collectively? This seems wrong.

Thought #3:
I hate going to work but it gives me piece of mind that although the economy is imploding on itself, I somehow still make $15 an hour, 35 hours a week. Granted, I could be making a lot more than that if I sold my soul to the devil. Instead, I sell my soul to cranky old folks of the upper west side. Which is just fine with me because I happen to like some of those cranky old folks.

Thought #4:
Is this fucking election over yet? Cheese and rice people, I can't take this shit anymore!

Thought #5:
Grey's Anatomy is not impressing me yet this season. Except for that sexy army doctor, with his crazy vagabond ways and his "So?". I could do without the pen in the throat though. That was a little much. Also, how did he get that in there?

Thought #6:
My mother is coming for christmas for like 18 days or something. This is a lot BUT not a complete 3 weeks like she wanted. I consider this a compromise. I also think her compromising at all upon this point, is a big victory. Therefore, I win. Although also I lose, obviously. 18 days. AND its the holidays. There's nothing that quite reminds you of how fucked up your family has become, like being around said family during the holidays. If there was a textbook about my family, the holiday chapter would be subtitled, "We don't speak to each other and here's why:"

Thought #7:
I still have a boyfriend. This is good (?) yet terrifying because I'm usually in the midst of the break-up by now. Or at least at the beginning of the break-up. I mean its gonna be 6 months soon. It's like somehow I've managed to withstand the break-up and somehow he's still around. Like the cat who came back the very next day. Only I like this cat and I totally open the front door and let him in. And I leave food out for him and stuff.
Listen I don't know, I couldn't carry that analogy any further. The point is, I'm so used to having major rifts in my relationship at this point that I sense myself sabotaging it by being so neurotic.
I know, that is SO unlike me.
Bottom line is that I don't love everything about him but I still really like being around him. After our 3 day weekend I still wanted to see him afterwards. He even met me downtown after I finished grocery shopping. What is that about? I really like him I guess. Its so weird...

Thought #8:

I can't wait for the Paper Planes video.

Thought #9:

I'm going to drink a glass of water (out of my Brita! How white am I now?!) and go to sleep.

Thought #10:

I wonder what I will dream about? I hope they're good dreams.

Thought #11:

Oo I have to wake up early tomorrow and wash some stuff for work. Crap. I hope I have enough quarters.